The Stuff refers to the things that Husband has decided are important for him to do EVERY day without fail. Each night he goes through his (written) list and tells me what he did. If he chooses not to do these things, he has some form of "punishment" attached - his choice. (Irregular hosehold chore, giving up $$, etc.) This list sometimes changes and has adjustments, but it currently includes:
1) Read Scriptures (10 minutes)
2) Pray (sincerely)
3) Talk (at least 2 meaningful conversations with Mrs. A.)
4) 3 minute shower (Husband struggled in the shower, and limiting his time there has significantly helped with thoughtless losses)
5) Not Home Alone (Husband struggles to be alone in our home. So, if his levels are out of whack, he has to leave our house.)
6) Check Levels (On a scale of 1-10 he rates his (a) desire to lose (b) dedication NOT to lose (c) anxiety)
7) Exercise (15 minutes)
8) Relaxation (ususally deep breaths or hand rolling or something similarly relaxing)
This is his list, that he decides everything about. He makes adjustments when he feels like something isn't working or is too demanding. He picks his "punishments" and tells me whether or not he thinks he completed each task on the list good enough. I do not drive this, but he has asked me to help him be accountable by asking him to report if he doesn't. Listening to him is the extent of my involvement.
I'm curiuos. Do you have your own "Stuff"? Does your addict? Is it different from this list?
This is seriously so impressive. Here is my husband's "stuff": listening to religious talks on his iphone during his commute to work, going to his support group meeting every week, and initiating the weekly "how he's doing" conversation with me every Sunday night. He has been AMAZING at sticking to these things. These are the things he has chosen for himself. Letting them choose their "stuff" is key.
ReplyDeleteI don't have my own "stuff" list. I should though. Self-care is what I struggle with and is one of the things holding me back in progressing right now in recovery. I wish my hubby had the desire to do something like this - but the idea hit me that maybe I could do this myself & ask him to hold me accountable if I don't report.
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