Porn Wife Training

Through the last few years, I've gone through some pretty rigorous Porn Wife Training. My favorite of which is *Addo Recovery. I've learned new ways to deal with old habits and as a result my life has become more manageable. I've learned basic survival skills for any WoPA.

 *disclaimer learning and implementing are different things

How to practice self care
Setting and enforcing boundaries
Avoiding triggers
Dealing with triggers
Finding support
Identifying problems
Stopping the mind chatter
Seeing through the garbage
Working through conflict
Communication and all that regular marriage crap

It's all been geared toward Husband and the porn and sexual addiction. It's all geared toward our relationship. And the thing I have in common with all my best support people is this piece.

Then I step out of porn wife mode and deal with regular problems. Typically that isn't rocket science and doesn't take a great deal of training. But every now and then I hit one that makes me think "I've learned this in my Porn Wife Training. What was the answer again?"

But too often, it's out of context and it isn't until later that I realize my Porn Wife Training would have come in handy.

This weekend I spent and unreasonable amount of time with my sisters. And during one long deep talk late at night (a recipe for disaster) I was triggered in a big way.
I felt inferior and judged.
I felt stupid and hurt.
I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole.
I was mad and embarrassed and so so sad.

I could feel the tears stuck in my throat. They burned the back of my eyes and my breathing started to sound like panting. And true to my tried and true pattern, I withdrew. 

With the perspective time always brings, now I see it for what it was. I see the appropriate and relatively simple responses I could have used. It's now clear that I could have spoken. Although I felt it, I wasn't paralyzed.

That's the thing about Porn Wife Training.

For me, it's really just Life Training.

*If you're new to the game, or old to the game; you want new tricks to deal with your addict, or your mother in law; maybe you just want to feel the illusive peace that people around you seem to experience; no matter the reason or the phase you're currently in, I cannot recommend Addo Recovery highly enough.
If you'd like to hear pieces of other women's stories, you can see these incredible women who have shared.