Monday, May 7, 2012

Oh the Horror!!!

We went about a month without having sex. Oh the horror!

[insert sarcasm and eye-rolling here]

I should correct that, I went a whole month without having sex. Husband was off pleasing himself on a regular basis.

Husband chatted with Therapist by himself for the first time in more months than I can count. (Which isn't saying much considering my brain is mostly mush these days...) and Husband told on me for not wanting to have sex with him.

And do you know what Therapist said? (From Husband's perspective of course....)

Therapist told him that not having sex for a month is usually a sign that the relationship is dying and we really needed to work on that.

We've been seeing Therapist on a regular basis for 1.5 years now. He knows what's going on. He's specialized in sexual addiction. But he also specializes in marriage counseling.

I get that sex is important for marriage. And I really REALLY get that sex is important to Husband since (in his words) "it's the only way I know you love me." And I swear it's not like it's my goal in life to cut him off and never have sex again. But lately it's been loss after loss. It's been one "slip up" after the next and when he isn't acting out, he's intolerable because he's about to.

I hate having sex with him before he loses because I feel like I'm his porn. I'm his fix. I'm the solution to his problem.

So yeah, I didn't have sex with him for a month. But he didn't go more than a week without doing it himself. So I have a tough time feeling bad for him.

So I'm wondering what Therapist was thinking when he said whatever he said that Husband interpreted as "go home and have sex now!!! it's the end of the world! do it all the time!!!!!"

Next week we'll see Therapist together. A meeting I'm very much looking forward to because I think we have some things to straighten out.

4 comments:

  1. Oh my! Your sarcasm is great...you really have me laughing. Yea I've heard all this and felt alll this too. I just read something similar on janes. Porn always has a way of making me feel like sloppy seconds. And why do they think they're gonna die without sex or porn? Lol

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  2. No kidding- I think either your hubs heard what he wanted to hear, or your counselor didn't have the benefit of your perspective.

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  3. Just wrote about this too. They act like life is over. Read And They Were Not Ashamed...it talks about healing your sex life but obviously hubby has to be willing. It took my husband 24 hours to agree to it and at first he was shaking his head like it was the dumbest idea ever. We are going 7 weeks...we'll see how it goes.

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  4. straighten out is right!

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