Sunday night is Addiction Night at my house.
Husbang goes to PASG and I become immersed in the blogs the messages boards and forums. I write and weep and google. All until my eyeballs burn.
I want so desperately for it all to be better. I don't care that I'm running on 4 hours sleep and the house is quiet. I want to learn what I'm supposed to learn, to check in on my dear friends who I love, and to write and think and PRAY.
It's rare that I go to sleep before the burning sets in.
So when Husband comes home and takes one look at my raging red eyes asking if I've been crying I always say yes.
My heart has been weeping for sisters I've never met.
My spirit has been crying out for help! Help me know what to say. What not to say. What to ask. What to read. What to skim. What is worth this time.
And often I have been literally crying. Water from my eyes. Not continually for the hours he's been gone, but I've certainly shed a tear or two while thinking about my life and the lives of those I know.
So yes, I've been reading, and crying, and I'll likely continue to do it every week. Until my eyeballs burn.
It gets better, I swear! And even though my heart breaks for each new woman I "meet" I have learned to "let Go, let God". I know he'll help her and she will grow so much and somehow see how the pressure of this trial turned her from a lump of coal into a diamond. My favorite quote on the subject:
ReplyDelete"There is always a blessing in sorrow. They who escape these things are not the fortunate ones." -Orson F. Whitney
This rang in my soul... thanks for sharing :) Thinking of you Mrs. A... it does get better... it really does... you're heading in the right direction, just keep on going :)
DeleteSometimes I feel like I skim everything and want to read more deeply and let myself feel more (it's usually quickly before bed or during breaks at work). But I really have felt so much better since I've been on here and connected with the other bloggers. There is something so therapeutic and strengthening about connecting with others in the same boat.
ReplyDeleteDo you go to a women's support group? Do they have one where you are?
Yes. I really should go, but we have two kids (babies really) who are sleeping during the meeting time. And I'd rather Husband go than me. So I listen to the babies sleep and read and study adn blog whil he goes to group. It's hard to take the kids anywhere because they're exhausted and I live in a neighborhood with exacly 1.5 young women of babysitting age, and they don't "work" on Sundays. :D But soon Husband will be out of school and that might open up some weeknight meeting possibilities...
Deleteat first I was online all the time trying to find information Ironically enough it got to be an obsession (an addiction so to speak). I would read Stories of women that had absolutely no hope for their future. It made me feel so depressed and my pain grew worse. So I had to give up all the negativity that is out their and only seek out blogs and forums that are uplifting. Those places that had hope for the future from wonderfully strong amazing role models that are or have gone through what I am. Women I can learn from and that will make me a better person no matter what happens in my marriage. Now my out look on myself and my situation is Dramatically different. A support group is ideal but if that is not possible right now then find the places that help you have a positive out look and not drag you down.
ReplyDeleteget some popcorn! i love addiction night at our house!
ReplyDeleteOooh popcorn! Exactly what addiction night here is missing. :D
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