I've been frustrated and angry and hurt by things some Bishops say/do in counseling with addicts. I've wanted to tear my hair out and scream "Don't you understand?!?!?!?!" and I think I'm not alone in this feeling.
But having had the opportunity to work closely with church leaders in a lot of capacities I have to simply say:
No. They do not all understand.
They are given very little training and asked to take over the physical, temporal and spirital (not to mention the regular business) aspects of running a ward overnight. In their spare time. Because of their varying life experiences some have different focuses or areas of expertise. Some bishops "get it" when it comes to addiciton. Others simply don't.
Many (especially new ones, in new or ever-changing wards) spend all their time trying to keep their heads above water just making sure someone is there on Sunday to teach each class!
Others have wards with a lot of financial needs or a large group of youth who require a lot of time and attention.
Because we (WoPAs and PAs) are such a huge (and growing) group we assume that Bishops should know better. They should get it. And they should act like it.
But in defense of Bishops, they (like us) are doing the best they can with what they have and many of them have never dealt with addiciton recovery in their lives.
So let's rejoice when we win the Bishop Lottery (we just did!) but remember also just how much they're working on when our lives are in shambles and they aren't looking enormously supportive. Heaven only knows exactly what they have going on their own lives and the lives of the 300+ people they're trying to help.
Here here, Buffalo gal! Couldn't agree more.
ReplyDeleteBut how can we help? What can we do to help? How can we help them learn? We know we aren't the only people dealing with this. That is my question! -MM
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm talking to mine about what I'm learning. He's reading "rowboat and marbles". He has "He restoreth my Soul". My guess is my bishop has heard from few to none wives of addicts, and while he deals regularly with addicts, I'm not aware of any in my ward who are in recovery. Doesn't mean there aren't any, but I doubt it. So that leaves me, just starting along the path, but I'm a quick learner, so I'm going to share as I go, not forgetting that while the bishop may not be an addiction expert, he is an amazingly good man, super humble, with lots of other virtues and skills. I served with him for several years in the bishopric before he was called, and have every comfidence in him.
DeleteActually, I meant to say that my guess was that he had heard from few to none wives of addicts who are working the 12 steps in a support program, by which I meant to imply that I think it would be awesome for those who are doing so to share what they are learning with their bishops. Sorry about the typos. I make lots with my phone.
DeleteAgreed, we can share with them our experience and as we come out of the shadows and it becomes as common as tithing settlement more bishops will have had experience in counseling with us. That is not to say that we should make an appointment and sit down to tell the Bishop how much he needs to learn and grow....he probably doesn't need a to-do list or a list of his failings. But humbly and prayerfully sharing our experiences and things we're learning as well as seeking out his counsel and discussing it with him can't hurt.
DeleteI agree. Bishops have a tough job and we can make it easier by showing our gratitude.
ReplyDeleteKill 'em with kindness! :) I know of zero bishops who don't need a vote of confidence and appreciation. In fact, I know of zero people who don't need it. :)
DeleteI am going to talk with mine, been thinking about it for a long time and your post was the deciding factor. Thanks, so true!
ReplyDeleteThey should be required to attend the 12 steps meeting as part of their training.
I hope it goes well Sparrow. Prayers your way.
Deleteoh i agree. Poor bishops...they are expected to do so much. My bishop actually texted me while i was reading this. I tell him EVERYTHING i know about addiction and how i am doing. he once asked me to write an anonymous letter for the ward guys. I wish i was a better expert on recovery. i know alot about addiction!! (i'm an expert at that). I like the comments on sending them MORE appreciation and gratitude. Even if that aren't psychologists and therapists....they certainly possess special spiritual gifts. That i believe.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I do believe that in simple ways, as y'all share resources and information, when the bishops and leaders in your realm are ready to receive it and use it, they will. So simple things like sharing links to the SA Lifeline manual (written with specific info for leaders) and things like Healing through Christ (to see what can help loved ones) then they have the info and can then choose to use it.
ReplyDeleteI do think the less invested you are in them reading the material, the better the sharing will be. ;) God is at work in a big picture way and this will take time to be more understood in our culture, but it's happening and will continue to happen and I am grateful for you pioneers who are helping it happen!