I certainly haven't nailed this in the last few days, but I had a tiny success.
Husband is working with a new therapist. Dusty. Dusty asked Husband to invite me today. (I love Dusty for taking the reigns on that.)
Husband seems to feel a stronger connection and better understanding from the new guy. Just another vote for finding a therapist THAT WILL WORK FOR YOU. I loved our former shrink, but relocating required a change and Husband discovered that he didn't love the former shrink until there was a change.
Anyhow, our kids were with Husband's Mom who has no idea about anything. But when we went to pick up the kids they were excited about the next activity they had planned and she offered to keep them a bit longer while we went out for dinner.
Over dinner we talked about a lot of things. New ideas, new plans, new insights.
New hope.
Husband has always believed that people do get into recovery but he has never believed that he could get into recovery.
When he was finished talking, I stopped and I listened. A million thoughts going through my head. Lectures. "Duh"s. Faith in him. Sarcasm (I'm great with the sarcasm). Pity. Encouragement. Outrage. A million ways to respond.
This is an easy one. A clear moment when I have choices of what to say and I don't know what the right thing will be. I said a quick prayer asking for guidance. Which route will be helpful or effective for him and us in this moment?
Immediately the words I've heard from many men came to my mind. Bishops, Therapists, Priesthood blessings and my own tiny moments of inspiration.
That was how I chose to respond. And I'm glad.
it's crazy how true to the core your husbands feelings are...lots of people think it can happen for others but not for them...for whatever reason they don't believe they are worth it, or can do it, or that it's even possible. mr scabs had felt this way for years
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