Music

Husband becoming oblivious to the obvious needs around him (crying children, burning food, house on fire...ok maybe not house on fire....) is an enormous trigger to me. It's maddening because it just seems so selfish. So uninvolved. So....withdrawn.

So when I bought a piano (without his permission - do you know me in real life? It's a sortof funny story you can read on my real life blog if you want. Boom! Buffalo dead.) I was a teeny tiny bit concerned that he'd have a tendency to just play his heart out and withdraw into the piano a bit.

At the same time I hoped he would get some emotional relief and use it as a healthy way to cope with stress.

But mostly I bought it for me. Because it's MY piano. And I love it.


I read music. And I practice. I run drills and go over the same 5 measures until I can do it perfectly 3 times in a row, then I allow myself to move on. I love the feeling of having 'mastered' a song and working through the hard parts. 

Husband plays the piano by ear. He'll take a piece of music, struggle for the first few notes just to get the key and main chords down, then take off doing his own thing that sounds sortof a little bit similar to the song he started with.

It's an entirely different skill. And one that I envy.

Because this morning after a particularly painful night for both of us, he finally sat down at the piano, and what came out was our song.

And my babies came running, and we danced together while daddy played the piano.

I'd like to tell you that all the hurt and anger and sorrow melted away - but that's just not true. So I can't.
I'd like to tell you that we have suddenly realized that this piano has solved our problems and he now knows what to do with shame and hurt and stress - but that's also not true.

But what I can tell you is that for moment this morning, we all enjoyed each other.