Happy for real?

When things are good and I feel good about it, I worry that it's not real.

I want to badly to be "OK" regardless of how Husband is doing. I want my happiness and my wellness to be completely independent of his behavior, good or bad.

So every time things are going well and I'm feeling good, I find myself questioning my OKness.
Am I OK because he's doing well?
Am I happy because he's talking to me? or because I'm happy?
If he lost today, would I still feel good?
Is this faith and happiness OK to feel when he's doing well?

I almost feel like if he does well AND I'm happy, it's a manufactured happiness that I am not entitled to feel.

Currently Husband is talking to me, we're dating, we're laughing, we're playing and I'm enjoying our relationship and feeling good.

But he's still struggling on the sexual addiction front. Struggling a lot, and I don't care.

I don't mean for that to sound insensitive or disconnected. Of course I want him to make better choices and gain control of his life, but when he doesn't, I don't care. It sucks for him and I wish it didn't - but it does, and I honestly don't care.

So I'm happy in spite of his addiction - but I find myself wondering, would I be happy in spite of his addiction of he wasn't talking to me?

I hope so. But I'm not sure.