I am certainly aware that we are going to have to make some significant sacrifices if we're going to beat this thing.
Both of us will.
It has impacted our lives and disrupted our schedules.
It has turned things upside down and sideways.
We are learning and doing differently than we ever thought we would.
As an addict Husband doesn't get to behave the way a non-addict would. He doesn't get to take days off from "The Stuff", he doesn't have time to waste, he can't allow casually dangerous behaviors.
As the wife of an addict my standards are going to have to be higher. I can't allow material that is even a little bit questionable into my home. I don't get to spend Sunday evenings with my family (PASG night), I don't get to read "whatever I want" because right now all of my available reading time is spent studying this addiction and the atonement and working on my own healing.
Sometimes I hate these sacrifices. Sometimes I hate that our lives can't be "normal" ever again. Sometimes I'm bitter that Husband's choices took over MY life.
But today I'm thankful for these changes. None of them are bad. None of them are things I should ignore or put off anyway. So while I hate the addiction and most of its affects on my family, I love that it is bringing us to our knees and raising our bar.
Glad to see you are writing! You will find it to be SOOOOOO therapeutic! At least I did ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are right! This will take huge sacrifice on your part... and his... but it is really wonderful that you are able to try and nip it in the bud NOW before it escalates to something even more... Trust me! You don't want to go there... AT ALL!
I'm proud of you!
Hang in there!
i guess i thought that we were adults who loved and respected each other. This is why i hate how i have to be so strict with my boundaries. Because these boundaries seem like they are naturally occurring in a healthy normal relationship. I never believed he would walk all over me. Addiction changes you forever.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about never being "normal" again. Recovery takes a lot of time! I hate how when my husband relapses, all my free energy goes to just trying to survive the moment.
ReplyDeleteIn one of my recovery meetings the program facilitator told me how when she was called to serve the stake president apologized for giving them such a hard calling. She marveled how our leaders don't often understand recovery programs and how in contrast, it had been "the best calling." Here in the trenches of addiction support, we don't hide behind facades and pretend to have it all together. We help and love and support each other without judgement. When I think of the reality that addiction/recovery will always be in our lives I cringe. When I think that I have an experience that can connect me to other women and truly help them, I feel hope.