My sister has 4 children. All of them boys.
She loves them all (of course) beyond all reason.
But when she found out her 4th (and last) was a(nother) boy she was heartbroken. She was studying psychology at the time, and told me that even though it sounded stupid, she needed to grieve for her loss of having a daughter. She would never do mother/daughter things. She'd never go to girls's camp with her own girl, or spend a "girls' night" during the priesthood session. She wouldn't do hair and nails before prom. She wouldn't go dress shopping or get ears pierced or or or or or.... (the list goes on).
I feel like every now and then I suddenly need to re-mourn for the things I may never have. Sometimes this is simply ridiculous and a worthless waste of emotions. Other times I think it's good for me to validate why this is so hard...
Will Husband come to his senses and be temple worthy?
Will he baptize our sons?
Will we be an adorable old couple so in love that we weep when we talk about each other?
Will we grow together and pull through this?
Or will I be consistently mourning for these things I want so desperately to have in my life?
I once wrote a post for the blog "A Good Grief" basically explaining how for the wives of porn addicts this is our grief- just like you said- mourning the loss of our expectations about how our lives/marriages would be. You are so right.
ReplyDeleteThis is tough. I too have the feelings because my marriage ended and I will never have what I initially set out to get. Instead I'm redefining what it all is.... If that makes sense?
ReplyDeleteI think it's okay to mourn Mrs. A..... but just don't get stuck there....
Thinking of you!
I agree with Jacy. I like to mourn my losses maybe even wallow in it a little...it feels good to acknowledged what was lost. And just because your mourn it once doesn't mean it won't come back and want to mourned again. Thats ok too. You've lost a lot. I think we all feel or have felt the way you do. And there is also a moment when you want to break out of the shadow of mourning these things and follow brightness and happiness instead. And remember, doesn't the Lord say "all things will be restored"? Nothing good is ever lost, maybe just delayed. You are a fantastic woman and i think you will be able to have all the blessings promised to you.
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