Not the Same Thing

We're not even 3 weeks into the new year and I've already been able to hang out with my WoPA friends more times this year than I did during the first whole year of knowing them.

I'm getting a little spoiled, and I'm growing more and more thankful to know the people I know. 

So on Saturday night I (again) sat in the living room in a circle of the most beautiful courageous and strong women I know. Some I had met before, many I hadn't. We introduced ourselves and we each told a bit of our story. Every time I'm in a group that does this I am amazed by the strength and courage of the women in the circle. Without fail I am inspired by their choices.

24 hours later I joined with a few family members and close friends as we started a Brene Brown e-course. We all mostly know each other, but my family typically keeps relationships superficial, so a course of this kind is going to be a stretch. As a couple of family friends introduced themselves to each other and to "the group" (just 6 of us) I felt the love for them. But I wondered, what piece of their story is missing? I kept waiting for someone to say "my name is Jane and I'm married to a porn addict, I first found out......." and tell the "other" parts of their lives. 

2 of the people doing this course with me know about the addiction, but the others do not and I don't think they should right now. But as I sat in that circle waiting for something REAL to happen, I had to bite my tongue to keep from starting it myself. "Hi, my name is Buffalo and I'm married to a porn addict. And I KILL BUFFALOS because I hate porn!"

I didn't do it, and I don't think I will. We'll have plenty of opportunity to discuss the underlying real things: joy, judgement, shame, love, anxiety, heartbreak, disappointment and hope. I'll quote my WoPA friends, and share our collective theories. And in the back of my mind I'll be thinking of my porn experiences, my dearest WoPA friends, and all the things I learn will relate primarily to this. 

 

I think keeping this group a bit more surface level is OK. Because I have my WoPA circle. 

Do you have a WoPA circle? If not, join mine. It just might make all the difference for you to sit in the safest circles I've ever known.