A New Perspective

As always, I'm learning new things about addict relationships.

As always, I'm hoping that these things I'm learning now are the absolute truths that will change our relationship forever. I have high hopes this time, though I'm also certain that I will never ever have it all figured out. 

After my extremely validating WoPA night followed by my anxiety-producing family night there was a bit of a disconnect between Husband and me. Today in therapy we talked about that. And do you know what? I don't have a clue what WoPA night is like for Husband. I know that I typically leave the house as soon as possible because I'm excited to get out and start the party with my people. Then I know that I sneak into bed next to him around 2 or 3am and I know what happens the next day. But I don't have a clue what it's like for him while I go out. I rarely bother to ask because it's eeeeearly in the morning and we both ought to be sleeping. 

I imagine it's hard for him. I know he assumes it's a lot of husband bashing (who wouldn't assume that given the nature of our connection?) and I can't blame him. It isn't, but that doesn't really matter because he probably worries. But I don't know,

Did the kids go to bed nicely? 

Did he wonder what to tell them when they asked where I was? 

In the quiet of the empty house did he wonder what I was saying about him? 

Did he worry that I was getting a lot of "freeze him out" strategies to try? 

Did he feel abandoned? Hurt? Alone?

Did he feel bad for putting me in this circle?
Did he wonder if we'd make it through this together?
Did he think about acting out to deal with that stress?

Did he feel stupid knowing that I was sharing intimate details of our life and his most foolish choices?

I don't know the answers to most of those questions, because they'd never occurred to me before. But I intend to find out what it's like for him.

This is what therapy is doing for me. It's helping me see him, notice him, and care for him - even when I think I have a right not to.