The shift in our schedules recently has been a difficult one for us. We're struggling to find our new roles in our life and to work and live together.
With Husband gone so much for the past 5 years, I've filled my life with other things. My evenings are filled with activities and hobbies and friends. My days are filled with my children and their activities and friends. None of these things are bad, but they leave little time for our relationship.
So I'm slowly cutting back. We're slowing down. We're finding space for Dad in our life rather than marching on and letting him catch up if he feels like it. A fine line between killing my own buffalo and refusing to let him help me hunt.
As I chatted with a recovering addict yesterday she told me that in the short time she's known me (3 months) she was initially impressed with my ability to reach out and make friends in a new area so quickly. (A conscious effort on my part.) But that as she has learned more about our situation, she suspects that all of those (good!) relationships are an attempt to fill the giant hole in my life where my marriage should be. The one relationship that really matters is missing.
Ouch.
Then we talked about addiction. She spoke about how desperately she tried to fill her own void with her addiction. She tried and tried and tried and failed and failed and failed to fill that hole. Until she learned that the void was caused by her lack of relationship with God. As she worked on that relationship she felt less need for her drug.
Our Bishop recently spoke about making space in our lives for God. We are busy and noisy and so often the still small voice of the Lord doesn't stand a chance at catching our attention over all the craziness.
For me I'm afraid this is the less still & small voice. This is world-crashing earth-shattering voice. "HEY!!! BUFFALO!!!!! Make room for the relationships that really matter!!!!!" It has never been more clear to me than in wading through the muck and pain of sexual addiction what (and who) really matters most to me.
So I'm working on making room.
For God
For my marriage
For inspiration
For my new life
I love this:) I feel so much peace when I am working on my relationship with God. I think maybe when our husband's figure it out, then the relationship with them improves.
ReplyDeleteI feel the way Sparrow does. The last time my wife caught me looking at something she ignored it. Later that night she gently asked me why I had turned the screen away. I confessed. She did not freak. She said, "I know you are a good man. I just thought we should have this out in the open, so I'm going to leave it between you and God." Within a few days I was searching out recovery stuff. It wasn't just what she said, it was what I could feel. She was turning it over to God. It was her surrender. It was real. Our relationship is now better than ever, thank heaven. I wish you success Buffalo Gal! Your continued efforts to improve your relationship with God will pay off, big-time!
ReplyDeleteYour wife sounds incredible Dan! I want to be like her, maybe one day. -MM
DeleteThis really hit home to me tonight. I keep filling my life with other things, never letting the silence, the quiet, the slowing down that comes with communing with God. I need some of that in my life.
ReplyDeleteI think the more we come to God...and the more our husbands come to God (if they do)...the more our marriage can be healed and strengthened. I think that is the only way.
-MM