We're new in our ward and I just received a calling. So when the secretary called and asked Husband to meet with the Bishop we knew it was his turn for a calling too.
He went in to meet with the new Bishop (who Husban hasn't gotten around to talking to about addiction stuff just yet) and came home to an anxious wife wondering how the meeting went.
The result?
No calling.
Just a concerned Bishop who wanted to get to know Husband better. His name had been thrown around, but because Husband works every other Sunday they hadn't really found a place for him and Bishop wanted to know more about his background. Bishop asked if he held a temple recommend and Husband spilled his guts.
Bishop offered some guidance and council. He told Husband that he wanted to be on his team. He expressed desire to help in any way he could and made it clear that Husband would not be falling through the cracks.
Husband came home feeling lighter and more free.
He feels supported and cared for.
He feels loved and appreciated.
He actually said the words "I don't really care who knows anymore....I just want to be done with it." He has never said that (or felt it) before.
I think this kind and loving Bishop acting for his kind and loving Heavenly Father has softened Husband's heart just a little. Husband is now aware that there are others out there with concern for him.
And it's amazing how far that goes.
Stay tuned for future developments.....
Sunday, December 30, 2012
A Buffalo I Killed: The Temple
I spent a lot of time in the temple last month.
I should clarify, a lot for me and there were days it broke my heart to go alone because I want more than anything to hold my sweetheart's hand in the celestial room knowing that the blessings of the temple and eternity apply to us.
But the vast majority of the time I simply LOVED being there. By myself. In the peace and quiet being taught by the spirit.
I loved to go multiple days in a row and see familiar faces of temple workers who I knew only because I was there the day before.
I loved to have built in study and prayer time. Silent. Calm. And mine.
I loved putting Husband's name on the prayer roll (role? roll?) along with other dear friends' and exercising my faith with others there on their behalf.
I loved coming home and bringing the spirit and the angels with me.
I loved learning different things from different ordinances.
I loved doing names from a ward member who needed help.
It was a beautiful experience to be there so much.
Once after doing sealings, the Sealer stopped me afterward and said "I hope you'll come back to do sealings again soon. You should bring your husband with you!" I told him I'd be back soon and bit my tongue about Husband. Of course I should bring him with me! I'd love nothing more. And I hoped with all my heart I could do exactly that. But the truth is that it isn't up to me.
Early in December Husband attended a temple sealing of a dear friend with me. He was worthy and it was beautiful. He mentioned more than once that he wanted to go do some work soon, but he's not so great with the planning and follow through and I am learning to be better at not taking over his good ideas. So I didn't say anything and he didn't go.
Then he lost.
And now he can't go.
I am trying desperately to find my place in his healing. To be supportive, but not take over. But now I wish I had planned my own temple day and simply invited him. It takes so much effort for me to leave him alone, that I fear I go too far and am not supportive. Like everything in life finding the balance is the most difficult part for me.
I believe the answer is that I'm not going to let his worthiness for a temple recommend influence my temple attendance. I will go when I need to and want to go. And he will do the same. I won't resent him when he can't or won't come and I won't force him when he can. I'll simply do what I know I need to do and trust that he'll do what he needs to do too. Even if what he needs looks different from what I need.
I should clarify, a lot for me and there were days it broke my heart to go alone because I want more than anything to hold my sweetheart's hand in the celestial room knowing that the blessings of the temple and eternity apply to us.
But the vast majority of the time I simply LOVED being there. By myself. In the peace and quiet being taught by the spirit.
I loved to go multiple days in a row and see familiar faces of temple workers who I knew only because I was there the day before.
I loved to have built in study and prayer time. Silent. Calm. And mine.
I loved putting Husband's name on the prayer roll (role? roll?) along with other dear friends' and exercising my faith with others there on their behalf.
I loved coming home and bringing the spirit and the angels with me.
I loved learning different things from different ordinances.
I loved doing names from a ward member who needed help.
It was a beautiful experience to be there so much.
Once after doing sealings, the Sealer stopped me afterward and said "I hope you'll come back to do sealings again soon. You should bring your husband with you!" I told him I'd be back soon and bit my tongue about Husband. Of course I should bring him with me! I'd love nothing more. And I hoped with all my heart I could do exactly that. But the truth is that it isn't up to me.
Early in December Husband attended a temple sealing of a dear friend with me. He was worthy and it was beautiful. He mentioned more than once that he wanted to go do some work soon, but he's not so great with the planning and follow through and I am learning to be better at not taking over his good ideas. So I didn't say anything and he didn't go.
Then he lost.
And now he can't go.
I am trying desperately to find my place in his healing. To be supportive, but not take over. But now I wish I had planned my own temple day and simply invited him. It takes so much effort for me to leave him alone, that I fear I go too far and am not supportive. Like everything in life finding the balance is the most difficult part for me.
I believe the answer is that I'm not going to let his worthiness for a temple recommend influence my temple attendance. I will go when I need to and want to go. And he will do the same. I won't resent him when he can't or won't come and I won't force him when he can. I'll simply do what I know I need to do and trust that he'll do what he needs to do too. Even if what he needs looks different from what I need.
Monday, December 24, 2012
A Buffalo I Killed: Triathlon
Again, impressive mostly just because I'm me.
I did a sprint triathlon. You don't know me (unless you do) but that is seriously impressive for a girl of my (short and squatty - mostly squatty) stature. I trained for it and I did it.
Slowly.
But I did it.
I recruited some friends to do it with me. And after doing the teeny tiniest baby one in the Spring, this fall I did a Sprint distance. Still not Olympic, it was a stretch for me.
Swim 350 yd (6 minutes....best part of the race and it was over in just 6 minutes)
Bike 13 miles
Run 3.4 miles
The friends who accompanied me were exceptional. They are awesome. They probably woulndn't have thought they could do it if I hadn't told them I was doing it. So I'm glad. A million times over glad that I did it.
I did a sprint triathlon. You don't know me (unless you do) but that is seriously impressive for a girl of my (short and squatty - mostly squatty) stature. I trained for it and I did it.
Slowly.
But I did it.
I recruited some friends to do it with me. And after doing the teeny tiniest baby one in the Spring, this fall I did a Sprint distance. Still not Olympic, it was a stretch for me.
Swim 350 yd (6 minutes....best part of the race and it was over in just 6 minutes)
Bike 13 miles
Run 3.4 miles
The friends who accompanied me were exceptional. They are awesome. They probably woulndn't have thought they could do it if I hadn't told them I was doing it. So I'm glad. A million times over glad that I did it.
Friday, December 21, 2012
6 months
July brought the fateful day when Husband and I decided that we HAD to give it 6 months with no talk of who was leaving who because one (or both) of us had had it with our crappy relationship.
Our 6 months is up and we both agree that we're happier than we've been in a long time.
Recovery wise Husband is doing almost nothing to maintain or achieve success. And it shows. And it's frustrating. BUT he has starting replacing one addiction with another. And he's now spending his spare time playing computer nerd games. So...there's that.
Recovery wise I am avoiding starting Step 4 like the plague because...well....it's step 4 and I'm terrified. But I keep feeling like I need to get it started. So, I attend my weekly 12 step meetings and get a little more courage every week to begin. I am doing a lot of other things to work on my own recovery, I'm making sure to spend time meeting my own needs and although they are teeny tiny baby steps and most of you would look at my habits and likely be disappointed, it's progress for me.
Relationship wise I'm giving a little and he's giving a little and we're both more committed than we've been since we got married. And we're having more fun than we've had in a long time. We're dating and playing and talking and having all kinds of fun.
Based on the serious lack of recovery stuff on his part and the tortise-like pace I'm taking I feel fully confident that this happy period won't last forever. And we certainly still have our bad days. But instead of having a few good days mingled in with the horror of regular life, we now have a few bad days mixed in with the fun and getting along.
Technically that's progress.
So I'll take it.
And I'll be eternally thankful for these last 6 months when I've been more willing (and able) to give our marriage all I had.
Our 6 months is up and we both agree that we're happier than we've been in a long time.
Recovery wise Husband is doing almost nothing to maintain or achieve success. And it shows. And it's frustrating. BUT he has starting replacing one addiction with another. And he's now spending his spare time playing computer nerd games. So...there's that.
Recovery wise I am avoiding starting Step 4 like the plague because...well....it's step 4 and I'm terrified. But I keep feeling like I need to get it started. So, I attend my weekly 12 step meetings and get a little more courage every week to begin. I am doing a lot of other things to work on my own recovery, I'm making sure to spend time meeting my own needs and although they are teeny tiny baby steps and most of you would look at my habits and likely be disappointed, it's progress for me.
Relationship wise I'm giving a little and he's giving a little and we're both more committed than we've been since we got married. And we're having more fun than we've had in a long time. We're dating and playing and talking and having all kinds of fun.
Based on the serious lack of recovery stuff on his part and the tortise-like pace I'm taking I feel fully confident that this happy period won't last forever. And we certainly still have our bad days. But instead of having a few good days mingled in with the horror of regular life, we now have a few bad days mixed in with the fun and getting along.
Technically that's progress.
So I'll take it.
And I'll be eternally thankful for these last 6 months when I've been more willing (and able) to give our marriage all I had.
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