I have a strong personality and strong opinions about most things and apparently I can be a bit controlling.
Husband is laid back and easy going and usually is willing to go with whatever is happening.
But lately Husband has been standing up for himself more and it's making me realize my own issues.
I am frustrated and angry and have so very little patience and tolerance for Husband. I'm so mad and so angry and I say so many things I almost immediately regret. I totally lose control and I'm still not sure why.
The good news is I know a good therapist. (ha ha ha. I hate knowing a good therapist.) and while I'd much rather just pretend it's not a problem because Husband should do things my way anyway, (it is the right way after all) and then we won't have to do anything different; I'm fairly confident that at some point I'm going to have to learn how to make it through that feeling of anxiety without hating the person causing it.
Love you A.... Knowing a good shrink saved me... Lol ;) think of you often....!!!
ReplyDeleteUm, I can't tell you HOW MUCH I RELATE TO THIS!
ReplyDeleteFor us, it's been as my husband is doing therapy (LifeStar) and 12 step meetings, and coming face to face for the first time with his feelings and what emotions drive him in life, he's finding that for most of his life (if not all of it), he's sat back and let other people have their way, make the decisions, lead, even dominate. Um, I've always used that to my advantage, it's part of what made me feel like we were so 'compatible' -- I was happy to take charge, lead the way, make the decisions and have the strongest voice. And it's not like that's ALL changed, 'cause his personality is really still very laid back, but for the first time he's airing frustrations, grievances, annoyances, having a stance on things -- and while it's GREAT that he's making this progress and feels like he's in a good place to be able to assert himself in life, it's hard for me to suddenly have this change in dynamics, let alone to face up to this honesty about things I do that hurt his feelings, annoy him, or cause him frustration -- I secretly kinda liked it better when the only problem we dealt with was his, the porn addiction :-) Everything I did was right and good, 'cause I wasn't the addict and he was :-) This whole new playing field is uncomfortable to me and new . . . but we're both adjusting and it's getting better . . .
But, man, it takes some getting used to! :-)
oi. I'm sorry. Life was easier before we opened this big ol' can of worms huh? It just makes me tired.
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