So.....do you feel any hope?

I had the chance to chat with my mom alone for a few hours yesterday which almost never happens. We were talking about how things are going and where I'm finding help. Then she asked "So......do you feel any hope?"

I was glad to easily answer "yes".

I explained to her that while I don't often feel like Husband is really doing what he needs to, I do think he will someday. I do know that it could be worse. I don't feel like I could leave and find someone I love more or someone who doesn't have this problem. The truth is that Husband is a wonderful match for me. He is an incredible human being, and although there are time I want to physically hurt him, there are more times that I know how lucky I am to have him.

So I suppose that's where I am now.

I've wanted to write about how things are now so I can look back in a year and see how things are. (you wanna do it too? do it!)  Moving forward? Still getting worse? Feeling happier?

The bad signs:
Husband is currently in the acting out every 5-12 days cycle.
He still thinks it's my fault and if I'd just ______ (usually "blank" is "have sex more" but sometimes it's something else) it wouldn't be a problem.
There are days I still think everything bad is his (and the addiction's) fault and I snap at him. I'm not consistently patient and loving and kind. But I'm trying to be.

The good signs:
He's been stuck in this cycle for a while, so I think he'll probably have a long stretch (3-4 months?) of sobriety ahead of him soon.
He goes to PASG every week.
He always tells me the truth. (As far as I know.) I have never caught him because he has always been upfront about it.
I have found an incredible group of women who support and encourage me. (hopeandhealinglds.com)
I am detaching. Feel sorry and sad for him instead of mad at him when he loses.
We're dating again. Which is more fun than I can even explain.


Here's hoping I remember to check back in a year to see how it's going then. Will I still feel hope? I think so.