I serve in RS presidency in my ward, and Husband serves in another presidency. We're very active and (I think) from the outside look like our little perfect life is little and perfect. Our incredibly close (really might as well be family) friend in the ward serves as EQ President. He is teaching the presidency instruction lesson next month and called last night asking me for a favor.
He wants me to write a letter explaining why it means so much to me to have the Priesthood in my home. He also wants me to say one thing I wish my husband (as a priesthood holder) would do better. He's asking a few people to do this and they will be shared anonymously in Elder's Quorum. When he asked I caught my breath, and willingly agreed to do it. Then immediately hung up the phone and wept.
How am I supposed to write this letter? I'm NOT glad to have the priesthood in my home because I don't. I desperately wish I did, but the truth of the matter is that my perfect little family is terribly flawed. I go to the temple, but Husband can't. I desperately wish I could have a blessing of comfort and guidance, but Husband can't give one to me. I hope that by the time my boys are of age, he'll be able to baptize them, but I don't know if that will happen. Right now he just isn't the Priesthood holder that I wish he was. What can he do better? He could stop looking at porn for starters! (OK I know it's not that simple....but really - how great would that be?)
I was in the kitchen when the call came and Husband was in the living room eavesdropping on my side of the conversation. I cried and he asked what was wrong. I told him about the request from our good friend and he was speechless.
Within a few minutes I was fine again. (I'm a crier. My tears don't signify a MAJOR disruption in life...) But Husband was stung pretty badly. It was one of those (few) moments that it was very clear to him what his addiction is costing our family.
I have a few days to think about how to write this letter....I'm praying that I can say the right thing and be honest.
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