A buffalo I killed

What's funny about this is that I began this post 2 months ago, then couldn't honestly think of anything impressive so I left it in my drafts hoping to do something impressive I could brag to you about. For the sake of honesty, I'm posting this incomplete and unimpressive list so that when I'm a regular Buffalo Bundy (ok, that wasn't funny....poor taste. Why can't I bring myself to delete it?) I can refer back to this to see how far I've come.

Now, the original post:

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Here's hoping this is a regular feature on my blog. Because I have A LOT of work to do in the buffalo murderer area.

 

I depend far too much on the people around me. I resent it when people don't do what I think they should do.

 

And because buffalo killing (for me) is far more about my attitude than the behavior this might not be at all impressive to you, but I promise I'll only write what's impressive for me.

 

• Packing and unpacking for camping. All of it. The equipment, the food (which I planned and shopped for) and the "stuff". That's a lot of work all the way around and with a child on each ankle, I feel like it was awesome.
• Costco. I hate Costco (and I love it too) I hate the giant carts you can't move around and the fact that there are never fewer than 9 million people in the way and that when you get home you can only haul one thing at a time up the stairs. And that the babies want to eat all the samples, and ride in the bottom of the cart, no the top of the cart, no your shoulders, no NO CART!!! So hauling the kids, bringing the stuff upstairs (even the stuff that could wait for the big strong man in my life to do it.) and I didn't hate Husband for not contributing.
• Making and breaking camp. The whole deal. Setting up tents, pack and play and rolling our foam pads tight enough to put away. Putting the babies to bed.
• Getting the kids ready for church on my own and still being plenty early.

That's it. Like I said - this is probably just a regular Monday morning for some of you, but the not resenting anybody was the big deal for me.

[insert graceful bow here]

MIA

There have been some major life changes in our world since I last wrote, Husband got a job, we moved (in with my parents!) and life as I know it has been dumped on its head. I currently have 100 of your posts to read and heaven only knows how many thoughts I've failed to write.

But last night I walked in on something that had me all smiles and I can only share it here.

Husband's new job came with a long commute, one that was simply outside of reasonable for us. So we moved. Only we had nowhere to go and had to be out of our home. Because my parents live closest (by far) to the new job, we asked if we could occupy a couple of their unused basement bedrooms and found ourselves a storage unit.

My parents know about "The Problem" and my dad has been a source of comfort and counsel and love and support that was completely unexpected. Husband and Daddy have grown close in a way I never would have dreamed. The openness and honesty in their relationship and remaining mutual love and respect is admirable.

I stepped out for the evening and when I came home my children were asleep in bed and Husband and Daddy were sitting in the kitchen talking. I sortof crashed their party and silently (at least attempted silence) observed the way they spoke. They talked about the atonement, grace, addiciton in all its forms. They talked openly about sin and judgement. They frankly discussed the why and possible solutions.

The family I grew up in does not discuss problems. We talk about happy things and pretend the less-happy things don't exist. Especially if the less-happy things are caused by sin or error. And MOST ESPECIALLY if the sin and error are still happening. We typically like to slap a smile on our face and move on with life. And maybe in 10 years when it isn't a problem anymore we can bring it up in a "remember when" kind of way.

So to see this exchange between the two men I love and admire more than any others was a very big deal. Husband has been hiding the addiction for so long, and although I've heard him talk about it to Therapist I've never heard him discuss it with any other living soul. I was floored to listen to him.

He was using the words of someone in recovery. He was logical and detached. He sounded sober. (Which he is, 6 weeks now and he's a temple recommend holder.)

Sometimes I find it exceptionally easy to love him and feel confident in his abilities. This was one of those times.