Hiding

I like to be busy, I like to have a lot of things going on and I like managing all of it well.

But last year at this time I wasn't managing it at all, I was breaking down.

Then over the course of The Busiest Summer Of Our Lives (so far) we moved and found some new jobs and quit some old jobs and moved again. And suddenly we had no callings, no friends, no obligations to go anywhere or do anything. Ever.

It was a beautiful and much needed rest.

But I like to be busy.

So here we are just 6 months later in demanding callings, working a lot, and filling up all our free time with new people we are learning to love.

And I'm not entirely sure how I'm handeling it.

Compared to last year I feel much less......foggy. And much more present.

But I also look at my children, my home, and my life and see everything slipping.

We leave the house looking a little more ragged.
I rarely get to work out - certainly not without guilt for spending my time on me instead of my family.
We let people in the house when things aren't put away.
I never drag myself out of bed when I'd like to.
The routine is only followed when it's convenient, and we're late more often than we're on time.
Our meals are less balanced and more tossed together.

I hate all of these things about me. I hate that I can't pull it together - or at least look like I can pull it together. And I hate letting go of things that matter to me for the sake of what seems like a case of laziness.

But I'm learning to deal with it anyway. At least I'm trying.

But one (of a million) things that have had to be neglected is time on the computer. Which means here. Which I sometimes hate and sometimes love.

It is what it is, right?